Petzl has made a career of making excellent gear... but this thing makes me twitch. but i do love the new and weird looking for the novelty factor. this biner would look at home with the totem cam.
i would love to be able to write a lengthy review of this item but unfortunately i havent risen through the ranks of such esteemed and noted rock climber blogs like... climber girl. and as such no one sends me free shit to yack about. to bads. but maybe one day i too with a mediocre climbing resume can spew all over the internet about things i am horribly under qualified to talk about..... of course it is an opinion. and we do know i have plenty of those. in that case! i urge you all to stop at nothing less than mortgaging your homes to get an entire rack of these beauties!
the ANGE has not yet found its way onto the petzl website as far as i know but in the mean time.....
heres a link for it:
next up is a mad rock trigger wire... again weird. also this biner is very specific to project sport routes. i cant imagine using it for the hard onsights...
again, never had one never touched one...seen it on youtube.com, so i cant really tell you whether or not it's the bees knees or cat PJ's if you will. but on a positive note! it looks like a stupid gimmick that would in no way actually help anyone with a hard send. that being said i will happily change my tune if you give me some for free and and expect a review in trade! in which case thank god i dont have to struggle to get that gate open anymore!
link anybody?: http://www.climbing.com/print/equipment/new_and_notable_mad_rock_trigger_wire_-_2010_gear_guide/
now for the fun of it check out some of the other ("super awesome must have carabiners of the future that you absolutely cant live without because why else would someone put this crap into mass production?") -carabiners
the "ballpoint" biner~ this fancy new thing will come in handy mid send when you have beta questions. simply write a letter to your belay and mail it off. no more worrying about not being able to her them. when your answer comes... dont worry their is a letter opener on the back end... just in case the envelope glue is too much for that pump you've developed!
The "ultimate locking" biner~ dont trust yourself that you locked it? dont trust your partner not to unlock you and shove your ass off the bivy at night? dont mind waiting for someone to haul bolt cutters up the route when you forget the combo because your quite probably retarded for buying this in the first place?
the "weather" biner~ man it's cold up here... i think it could snow... do you think i might die here from exposure while captin american spends next ten hours figuring out the optimal beta a chalking foot holds? we let me tell you this bad boy is here for ya. it's official it's cold ... its raining... and your gonna walk down in the dark.... pissed!
the "math biner" ~this might make sense. your up there at the belay ledge, the mind wanders.... time to figure some shit out! what kinda taxes do i owe? how much money do i have left for this trip? what exactly is the fall force of a factor two fall occurring from 20ft above the anchor by a climber weighing 165lbs. and should the two bolt anchor fail, how long would it take for me to fall the 627ft to the deck if i accelerate at the standard 32 feet per second per second? ...hmmm?
the "USBiner" ~ill be honest, there is a thousand and one needs for a thumb drive in the middle of a route. like.. or.. and what about... yeah never mind, this thing is stupid. by itself its flat and the size of a stick of gum! its called a pocket for christ sake!
the "Metro-biner" collection! ~ see i call them "metro" because what i really mean is GAY! but lets be honest nobody likes referring to things as gay... but how else would you describe a fanny pack! its F@&$#! gay dude! it's not that they have a perfectly normal and healthy same sex relationship. their gay, as in superbly lame in a way that makes me want to slap the dork off of you when you stand to close to me.
"big-BALLA-biner"- yeah ill be honest if i was rich i would totally have all my carabiners jewel encrusted like snoop dogs pimp cup! 24K gold biners look badass, i dont give a shit it breaks with less than ten pounds of force cause my shit is blingin!
the "tool biner" -has anyone ever called you a tool? have you ever been told that you are such a tool that you are in fact an entire shed full of said tools.... thus a "tool shed"? if so... here's your badge, wear it proudly!
the "swiss army" biner ~ i dont know...maybe? it does have a bottle opener on the bottom... and i could probably stab you with that knife without killing you should i drop it from above while attempting to cut of the 6 layers of rap slings that are preventing me from clipping into the anchor bolts.... and there's probably a point to that screwdriver...
the "jack shepard" biner ~ GET IT?! your freaking LOST....OOooo! too bad the compass couldnt find north at the south pole! but it'll let you know if theres spare change in you pocket. plus that watch battery flashlight will give you plenty of comfort, until you turn it on and walk for five minutes. im sorry but i have to go back to the compass. who still knows how to use a compass? i use gps to get around a city... with signs!!
"celebration" biner~ im not gonna spark a dooby with ya tommy chong... but i will take one of those pimpin cigars if ya got one. plus... as an added bonus if i drop the thing i get to play everyones favorite game... "where the crap did my expensive trinket go?" really? why is it cammo? will the deer not see me while i smoke a cigar hiding behind my lighter? i must be down wind.
"not for climbing" biner~ i love these... looks like a biner, and these days its the same size as a biner.... i guess we should take a whip to test it. and i have! here's a fun day with your friends! ever wonder what it would be like if a biner failed on ya? i did! so did my friend kelly! so he and i first got all the lead gear together, check. next hang a full length runner with full strength biners on your bolt (preferably above decking height)..., check. next, rig up a quick draw with your key chain and hang it on the same bolt, chee-yek!
then, lead past your bolt first clipping the runner, followed by the draw and ..... let go!... seriously... let go, ..come on sissy. dont be scerd!
No comments:
Post a Comment