SHAMELESS!!!!! ah ha ha ahaha haa ha hah aah ha!

Princess Leah on Star Wars, Eldorado Canyon, Colorado

there's nothing to say other than... this must be shared with the world!

the link: http://mattkkelley.wordpress.com/2009/09/30/princess-leah-on-star-wars-eldorado-canyon-colorado/

...dirt bag

that one little label brings up some many things. ideas, ideals, ethics, dreams, illusions, delusions, lifestyle...

it was also the topic of conversation me and "angry" keep coming back to. "dirt bag", nope not a dirt bag. we are not dirt bags. youre not a dirt bag either. no, nope, im right... youre wrong... you are not a dirt bag. its okay i wish i was one, but i know the truth.

i can prove it with 11 simple points, and unlike george carlin, this is not a paded list. it may hurt to hear because your little climbing ego depends on it... but youre not qualified, stop wearing your faggy little sash and waving your banner, you bore me and your nothing like miss america to look at.

i will qualify every point but here is the simple list (in no particular order): car, address, age, plan, job, gym membership, helmet, pride, diet, savings, computer.

the smarter kids on the short buses have seen that list and as much as they wish is wasn't true have already scratched the "dirt bag" label off their resume. but youre stubborn, you wanna stomp your feet at the little tea party you set up for Mr. toad, because Miss whiskers wont stay still long enough.... get it? im calling you a girl.


here we go let's dive in, and ill order it a little more to build the point. first gym membership. everyone with a gym membership to a climbing gym is automatically not a "DB". you have a job, likely a car or other transport (like you city kids), an address, bank account, and many other reasons for me to disqualify you. huh? you get your membership for free? like you work at the gym... yeah out! your part of the industry, you make a living off selling the look and image of climbing. you were hired to sell dirtbag and "legit" the gym. so gym equals not a dirtbag.

that last point hinted at the next point ...pride. if your proud to be a dirt bag... not a dirt bag. a dirt bag is a bum. yes, a bum. the dirty, smelly, lazy, foul mouthed (and i mean the dental hygiene ...primarily), cant manage to make anything else go right... BUM! sure we like bums. to a degree. until that bum with silver pipes goes and gets drunk, and smokes pot, and does some blow... and generally makes everyone look like an ass. point is, no one takes "pride" in that. its a facade, but if you truely lived it you would either care less about proving to everyone how much of a dirtbag you were or you would get sick of it and go home.


address?... do i have to spell this out. and dont try to slip in a qualifier like.... it's my parents house. if it gets really cold and rainy.... do you have shelter? yes? kay.. youre out! not a dirtbag. tents.. bivy sack... nothing but a sleeping bag soaked in piss that you found at a campground? thats were a the dirtbag gets his mail! but they dont get mail... especially not email!


no computer, in fact no electronic devices, cell phones? those things have plans. ipod?, needs a computer. computer needs power. plus...whos not gonna steal that when your on the wall to fund their dirt bag life? funding... got have some funding, BTW whats with the dick stealing draws, i mean, i care less but he must be selling that shit on ebay... asshole not a dirtbag!

funding equals job! does your job require college? really, ...you need me to tell you? how about extensive vocational training... how about pure menial labor? jobs do have layers, like onions.. or cakes.. or girls who just arent ready for their father to hate you yet. so if you have any job, not a dirt bag. see you may have once been a dirt bag, but that shit is conditional, and you dont get grandfathered in. you sell out and get a job, you quit the dirt bag life. you may get that title back when you quit and blow everything you made from that job.

so... savings? you had a job and put cash aside to be a dirt bag? sorry! youre on vacation! you made a plan to not work and pretend to be a bum for a while. this doesnt count!

plans? bums dont have plans, they just wake up the next day shocked as hell they're still alive and then do the crazy bum things that come into their crazy bum brain. bum brain says me climb rock, ...then me climb. bum brain say me hungry, ..then bum brain steal food in the easiest way possible. like the yosemite cafeteria.


somewhere along the way i forgot about the car.... maybe... maybe you have a car. it is like climbing gear. or a bums shopping cart. but that thing better be worse looking than the POS that brian burdo drives. brian who? f-it! the thing smells like a bag of smashed assholes, it's as old as grandpa ass, the doors dont lock, one doesnt even close (climbing swag keeps it from swinging open and throwing the driver free like a mob dump), the paint on mona lisa is less cracked and faded, tires? theres more rubber left on a pencil after the SAT's! is your car that epic? no? not a dirt bag!






helmet? FFFUUUUUCCCC-Kachu!, gazoontight. why have i met so many climbers at sport crags calling themselves dirt bags wearing a helmet.... that helmet that matches your outfit that you bought at REI from the booger eating mouth breather kid, WHO HAS NO IDEA! NONE! ...when it comes to selling climbing gear because everything he knows about climbing he learned from the first ten minutes of "Vertical Limit" (love that movie!) do you see how this connection should have occurred to you before? helmet.... by the way is not BA if your not BA your not a DB

so how do you get to be bad ass?! well you could diet? dieting is not bad ass! counting calories is not badass! salad will always loose to a burger when your a bum! if you can afford to be strong on a salad then your not a dirtbag... being vegan is not cheap enough! being a poor as shit kid that will eat anything is a dirtbag. if you diet, have a diet, incorporate diet, or are thinking diet effects training you are not a bad ass dirt bag!

so where do we find this bad ass dirt bag? well he's old. they are all old and amazed theyre still alive. you wish you had done what they did, when they did it. you wish you were there to get kicked in the face for being a climber. no "dirt bag" today has any idea what it meant to be a dirtbag then. and the dirt bags that are still alive? they arent dirt bags... they sell their dirt bag lifestyle/products to you because you want to be them! Royal, Yvon all those guys are way cooler than c. sharma and tommy c.

please stop calling yourself a dirt bag.... it's like that asshole kid in the mall who smokes pot listens to marley, has dreads, stinks like pikachulie, and is god damn convinced hes a hippie!

ARGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dont usual hate blast someone! but R&L Carriers suck ass! on the 21st i got an email from Conant to let me know the treadwall had been shipped out. the company gave a delivery date of the 27th. i was given some contact info and a tracking number.... all good so far. i also was told i need to call a little before the delivery date, to set up a time with the local terminal. so the 26th comes and i do this. then i call, they tell me it got held up in chicago and the didnt know when it would get there. they say..."well call you when it gets to the terminal"... okay no problem, i can be patient. but the number they had for me was wrong...i gave them the right number. 28th comes

...nothing

...so i call them again. they say its not there yet, theyll call tomorrow. 29th, no call i call at 4:30. they say they left me a message, but i never got the call. sure enough no one corrected my number. i tell them the right number again. we schedule for friday the 30th. i tell them that i have a work meeting at 2:00pm and i need to see the truck no later than 1:30. the guy says...no problem, have a good day, blah blah blah. friday all day! i am excited... and i wait. nothing. 1 o'clock i call to check the truck status. the guy say the truck was stuck in fort lewis, and it would be here today but not on time....no later than 4:oopm. F! there goes my meeting at work, oh well, they really wont miss me other than taking roll. 4:oo comes...no truck! i call, the guy has the nerve to say the driver rang my door bell twice and left.

LIAR!

... but i say no sir, no truck came and i havent left ...and i was building a work bench in my driveway the WHOLE time! the guy puts me on hold and then comes back to say he turned the truck around. he gives me a number to call if i dont see the truck in one hour. he says the guy is 30min away. fine....whatever. 55min later...NOTHING! #$@$%#$%!!!!!!! i call in, some lady who has no idea whats going on. she says the dispatcher i talk to turned the driver around again because it was illegal for him to keep driving. she say they called and left a message. guess what...they keep calling the same wrong number.

ALEX HAS AN ANGER STROKE!!!

really, do you guys suck this bad. the gal promises to fix the number. god knows if she was successful, i have my doubts. she also sets it up for the next available delivery....she tells me they only drive to silverdale on Tuesday and Friday. well thats too bad i tell her, because i work on Tuesday,

.....AND I WANT MY PROPERTY!

but i am very respectful but forceful when i tell her this. she makes a call, and calls me back...but i still dont trust the number correcting because she could have written it on a napkin she wiped her ass with in the can 5min later. sooo, supposedly on Wednesday the 4th my wall is "gonna be delivered". im not holding my breath...these guys are a bunch of ball bags!

the fat kid

so, im sure all, most.... at least some of you have been where i am. i feel lately much like the the fat kid! so much so that my usual handle ("the fat kid") kinda hurts a little. its one of the so many reasons i am looking forward to the treadwall coming. i cant wait... Conant said it should be here on or around the 27th! dont worry im sure i will post way too much about it.

good versus bad

soo... seriously folks, i know your there i watch the stat counter going up. and according to the webby thingy it says it's new and old folks. so some of you are coming back! how about a little feedback? anybody like/dislike what theyre reading? do you hate the fact that i rarely use upper case letters or that i never use an apostrophe?

just lookin for a little love.... no big deal.
maybe, be the first to sign up and "follow" my blog. i never would... but you might?

I KNOW YOUR THERE!.... stop hiding sissy....

THE BOULDER-....tron?

yeah so i post i just recently finished had a guy talking about a bouldering/climbing training machine that was supposedly better than a treadwall.

its called!: the bouldertron.... really? that's what ya got? well the links to this thing were all dead with the website burried. but i dont give up so easily in my quest to give you kids pictures of random she-ite! i turned to my favorite internet tool.... Google image search. from there i FOUND! .....nothing ...nada. zip. zilch. how could this be? a reference to a climbing machine i had never heard of and now i cant even research it. boo! seriously boo.

eventually i broadened out and start looking for the company cragmaker. still nothing. then i went out for the guy who own the company off a vague posting i found. in the end here's what i found out, an article from this website: http://www.absolutionla.com/html/climbing_pg3.html

About Jim Strickler and CRAGMAKER:
What do your get when you cross an expert climber and adventurist with a cornell Engineering PhD? You get jim strickler, creator of CRAGMAKER climbing, a computerized climbing wall that actually progresses with you as you learn. Climbing is a multilayered sport and is a combination of physical dexterity and the ability to problem solve….like doing crossword puzzles while standing on a galloping horse.By training on our climbing wall, not only are you developing the power to hoist yourself up by your fingertips, you are learning the different ways you can move your body to decipher a rock face and climb it most efficiently. Another often misunderstood issue around climbing is that you have to be tied to a sixty in the air by a harness (we love that, too, and to learn about our rock climbing and alpining packages click here). Intense climbing includes “boulering” and traversing”, both which leave you only inches or feet off the ground and still involve every inch of stamina and muscle you ever conjured up in your life. CRAGMAKER climbing walls use the CRAGMAKER BRAIN, a computer system designed to keep you on your toes, literally. By climbing only lighted routes, the computer suggests climbs that challenge you and require a constant, consistent improvements in your training. A fantastic training tool for serious climbers and a great learning apparatus for discovering the adventurer within.

If you want a custom wall built for you in your home, just like Jennifer Garner, contact us!

Ah Ha HA hah ha ha HA ah HA ha!!! ".....just like Jennifer Garner"?! ha ha ah ha haah ha ha!!!!

oh my, well i guess this thing must be good! seriously though, would you guys begrudge me if i decided not to take a testimonial about rock climbing from JENNY GARNER?

Anyway so that article still really didnt tell me about the wall. but it gave me a name.... so i started searching patents.... im sick i know. that led me finally to something worth while! i found this article from WIRED magazine:

Rock climbers are a unique breed. They're adrenaline junkies, constantly looking for new challenges. But real cliffs aren't always accessible to city dwellers. And the next-best things -- climbing gyms -- are often located in remote warehouse districts that afford them the necessary space. Plus, scaling the same wall over and over can get kind of boring.

Jim Strickler has invented an indoor climbing wall that can be set up almost anywhere and instantly mapped with completely new routes, lighted by glowing footholds. "We want to downsize the facilities -- take them out of industrial zones and bring them into neighborhoods, and make more of a community-based experience for the individual," Strickler said.

In 1994, while he was working at a consulting firm in Manhattan, Strickler wanted to be able to climb without traveling too far. But his options were limited in the crowded city. What's more, most climbing gyms create courses by marking footholds with colored tape. Altering courses is fairly labor intensive. That means gyms need lots of space so they can supply a variety of paths without frequent tape changes.

"Part of the excitement and challenge and fun is discovering how to do the different routes," Strickler said. Strickler, who holds a doctorate in applied physics, realized that if he wanted to climb in Manhattan, he had to come up with an alternative route-changing system. One day, a light bulb went on (pun intended). Strickler's idea: mark climbing courses with LEDs next to footholds, instead of tape. Changing a route is as easy as selecting a new one from a database. But like most good ideas, Strickler's inspiration didn't work exactly as he first envisioned it. The LEDs weren't bright enough, for one thing.

Then, he and his partners ran out of money as soon as they completed their first prototype. Strickler went back to work at a banking firm, but in 1999 when the economic implosion began, he got the itch to revisit development of his patented rock wall. By then, LED technology had improved, so the lights were bright enough to illuminate the entire foothold. Picture Dance Dance Revolution, the dancing game that kids are into these days, and make it vertical. Strickler and his team, which included some friends and some hired engineers, designed a bunch of holds and the walls to stick them on. They also developed a database of climbing routes for every level of difficulty.

In the next six months, Strickler plans to incorporate tactile technology that records a climber's progress and allows for automated scoring in competitions. Eventually, he wants to connect climbers on the Internet and hold real-time competitions between people in different cities. Mykael Lazzeri, a veteran climbing instructor at Mission Cliffs in San Francisco, thinks glowing climbing walls sound "cool," but not totally necessary. His gym changes its climbing routes plenty often, he said. "Course setters come in every week and change separate sections of the gym. It rotates every week in cycles, and it's a completely different gym every two months." Lazzeri also said climbers will always want tall walls, which need a large space.

"There's still a place for tall climbing gyms," Strickler said, "but we just think there are a lot more places for bouldering studios." Lazzeri suggested that the glowing walls might be a draw for nightclubs. Strickler said his prototype gym, Red Rox Climbing in Los Angeles, was designed in the spirit of a club, minus the liquor. The walls are painted black and Turkish rugs are spread on the floor. Patrons are encouraged to bring their favorite music. "Our place has a club atmosphere, but the only drug we serve is adrenaline," he said. With a monthly membership fee of only $25, and without any promotion, he's accrued 50 members. He'll open a second site in December in Santa Monica. "People (in the L.A. area) are very willing to try new things," he said. "It's also a huge media town -- we've already had numerous TV shows filming at our site." Those include MTV's Taildaters and Toughenough, as well as Blind Date.

The venture has turned into a two-pronged business. The first, CragMaker, manufactures and sells various models of the lighted climbing walls. One of them is the Bouldertron, a $10,000, 12-foot-high, 7-foot-wide wall that incorporates 25 levels of difficulty. It can fit in a regular gym, and Strickler also hopes to sell it to schools -- and even to homeowners. The other part of the company aims to help budding climbing-gym owners start their own businesses. "A lot of people who would like to operate a climbing gym might not have the business experience," Strickler said. "We're putting together a franchise package that would include equipment but would also help them with site selection, financing, business systems ... promotion...." Strickler has high hopes for the far-reaching effects of his rock walls. When hooked to a computer, climbing becomes just as addictive as any thumb-based game, he said, and it gives the same type of instant gratification that video games do. "We think it's going to be the gaming platform that's going to save the nation's youth from the obesity epidemic," he said. "It turns the wall into a huge joystick."

sounds like a poopy flavored lolly pop to me! normally i would digress and tear an article apart.... but you read it. if you didnt come to the same opinion as i have (WORST IDEA EVER!) i honestly think there is no helping you. plus, i think the public pretty much did agree because....where is this thing now? ...that's right gone. oh pictures!... thousand words! ...they all say EW.

oh treadwall you were never in any real danger...

coolest rock climbing toy ever

i played with this toy for far to long at blair's house the other day! way to much fun!

Huh! Why?!

so today i was working on the shed putting the finishing touches on the the roof and shingles, when who should stop by but blake stipple.... or blair kipple. doesnt matter. any way, he came by to see my progress and do some yacking about treadwalls. the topic eventually wandered around to some of the other funny machines we have heard about.

may i introduce the all too spectacular ....rope climbing machine. i dont know who would want this thing but according to their literature if you do this for a half hour you will burn 420 calories as opposed to the measly 300 calories you will burn on a treadmill. really? ....does that number sound fishy to anyone else.

regardless if you want one of these babies you can get it or a similar model (they have four.... really? four?). the sticker price for their tope model is on a little over $5,000. just check out their site: http://www.marpokinetics.com/ (make sure you take the link to the super cool promotional video!)

of course if you do get one of these please, please....please tell me why you actually need to train for climbing a rope, cause i honestly dont get the appeal. but then again i guess a treadwall aint for everyone.

oh! check out the other wacky machines i have discovered: http://treadwallproject.blogspot.com/2010/05/ten-thing-i-hate-are-not-you.html

Calm Down Bleeding Hearts!

okay i know some of you out there read my little posts and i hurt your feelings. just so you know we all have things we can be made fun of for. ....example: im fat! so have a good laugh at that. maybe if you all get together and shame me about it i would work out .... do some cardio.... push away from seconds at the table. given that i really dont feel bad about my "mean" posts. it's meant for comic relief. if you feel personally attacked, keep in mind i didnt use your photo in my blog. unless i did, in which case ....come on! why would you post that on the internet. do you know what kinda assholes are out there, spending long lonely nights scouring the internet for folly pictures just to fuel their sad hate-mongering ....which in truth, we all know is just a desperate cry for attention! so.... you can be mad at me for a joke ...or i can make you pancakes!

Gumby Swagger

Gumby:

1) noun ~ proper name for a green stop motion clay animation character created by art clokey in the early 1950's.

2) noun ~a person who acts in a foolish manner.

3) noun ~ an inexperienced or unsafe climber.

climbing ....just ...keeps ...getting ....more ...CLIMBERS! aint plenty of them should find something safer to do. i, personally blame the gyms. dear lord they breed the gumby. yeah this is gonna be a little harsh but hopefully funny. and maybe a little educational. thats right i only want to help you grow ...and make you cry for the amusement of my friend and i. but, mostly i want to help you learn how not to be a gumby! truly i am a giver.

so i believe climbing teaches by to ways, at least it did originally on the stone before we had gyms that became so whipped by banker types breath down our neck expecting the rent to get paid. so, like everyone we had to serve that burger with a smile. but i lost my place.... oh, climbing is best taught by to methods by shame and fear.... oh and then there is fear of shame. fear is easy, you learn so you dont die. fear of the "big ride" helps most of us focus on what most important. then when you have a close call, fear helps you remember exactly what you should have done for next time. shaming.... thats a little harder. those who know what others to learn, but dont really want to take the time to explain it. you might argue, in which case you'll probably continue to do stupid shit. in which case you die and then they wasted a lot of good climbing time carrying you out. so... a quick chiding is faster considering you want to get one last lap in before you have to build a stretcher out of the rope and two tree libs. beside, lets face it, making fun of others when theyre acting ridiculous boosts the ego.

so in no particular order

the barefoot gumby~i dont know how to say this other than....ICK! do you really think i want to touch where your stinky foot fung-go feet have been. did you watch rampage one two many times? did a stoned out chris sharma tell you its the "natural way".... that its "the future of climbing"? yeah hes and idiot... he isnt climbing barefoot on any of his big sends is he? so please stop. put your shoes back on. its not more fun, or better technique, there is no benefit!

the mountaineer gumby ~oh gosh! do you know how i spotted you. its the figure eight! thats right.... the only ones left using those are the mountaineers ...and those who were unfortunate enough to have a mountaineer teacher. guys please update your gear... oh and your methods. how about some evidence based practice.

gumby shoes ~ it's obvious you new when your shoes are so loose they spin around your foot. the toe box has wrinkles in it. i know, i know, the guy at REI or where ever you bought your shoes convinced you that a "comfortable" pair of shoes would be best. but come on, did the fitting shoes really hurt your little piggies that much?

helmet gumby~YOURE IN THE GYM!!!!!! yes i guess its possible that something might still fall from the sky.... but YOURE IN THE GYM! please dont wear your helmet. but i guess it is you safety choice.

gumby footwork ~ for some reason people walk around all day, but the second they try climbing they have no idea how to keep their weight on their feet.... huh? i guess it is again this misguided goal of "looking" like a climber. well, most climbers keep the weight on their feet a good rule of thumb, your foot should rarely.... very rarely find itself above your head, especially not on a vertical wall. oh... and it is possible to "flag" and "back step" too much!

girlfriend gumby ~let me guess... your on a date? we all know your not a climber....but why are you an idiot also, he told you he was taking you climbing. why did you try and get all dolled up? you look as out of place as a chimpanzee wearing high heels!

tape gumby~ i wish i could have found better pictures to emphasize this one but ill try and give you the mental imagery. first off i want to note.... i am a nurse, so when it comes to medical taping, i know what im talking about! first off, buddy taping (taping to fingers together) does little to nothing of a tendon climbing injury! the doctor told you to do it because most docs have no experience with climbing injuries. if you pulled or tore a tendon you need to tape to reinforce the injury! buddy taping is too loose. this is because your knuckle are larger than the mid segments between.... therefore......fuck! it doesnt work!!!! buddy taping only helps to align a break or dislocation! if youve done that, then stop climbing. next, to the people who use massive gobs of tape wrapped around their whole hand like their about to step into the ring with tyson. if your skin is that torn up, take a rest day. if its not actually torn... stop being a sissy!

gear gumby~ "Wow! sweet gear! new camalots huh? did you just get those? do a lot of trad climbing? .....hey, uh ...did you notice your in a gym?!" WTF?! really? is it training weight? you look stupid. and i dont feel bad for taking the hard road on this one. i will only mock you. for some reason this breed feels the need to climb in the gym with every stick of gear they own dangling off their harness. cams, nuts, slings, quick draws, multiple belay devices, anything else you picked up when you told the guy at REI your a climber... its all there. but no, it doesnt give you anymore credibility!



photo-op gumby~ i know your only there cause someone is having a party and you want to remember this "awesome" experience forever. but your in a GYM! people have memberships and theyre there to train. and your trying to hold onto the roof for 30sec while your retarded cousin figures out how the flash works is really annoying! please no more of the vogue posing pictures of your awesome climbing experience. you never went climbing, you went to an amusement park.... wheres donald and mickey?



Okay im sick of loading photos so ill just give brief explanation of a bunch of other gym gumby's. the beta gumby~ this is the new guy who spouts bad beta constantly. half the time he over heard the beta from an actual climber. the rest of the time its just.....crazy talk? watch the person climb your giving beta to, if theyre better than you are its best just to keep your mouth shut. the lead climbing gumby~ this is one of my favorites, because you would think at this point they would have gotten smart. but you can always spot them as they throw the rope over one shoulder before they leave the ground. its confirmed when they back clip the first draw. its terrifying when theyre shaking up a roof with their foot constantly behind the rope. i pee myself laughing when they fall..... then i wish i wasnt a nurse. F! the wandering gumby~ sometimes isnt even a climber. but its that fool that constant wanders the gym floor walking absent-mindly under unsuspecting climbers waiting to ambush their falling ass with the tops of their head. the chalk bag gumby~ these are the folks who use a carabiner to hold their chalk bag. come on! ever wonder why your bag is twisted, or its not in the center of you back making it harder to reach on one side.... clipped to a gear loop? dont try to tell me the biner is a back up or a bail biner, i know better. half of your breed just uses that crappy "not for climbing" biner. you know the one whos gate breaks after you open it fifteen times. let me tell you something.... most chalk bags come with a belt, for a reason! the belt keeps it properly positioned and when you need to easily movable. like in a chimney where you want to put it to the front?! oh i quit!

last but not least..... the spiderman gumby~ .....why? seriously? your ass is above your head! i hope you break your neck!

Apologies....

.....this might get uncomfortable for some of you. mostly because im going to make fun of you. A LOT! normally i hate blogs, they need a point and focus. this post completely deviates from my point. im not gonna mention the ...tr--d-all k-r- at all. nore are we gonna talk about anything practical. but i am gonna address some parts of climbing culture. but if this is your first visit to the this blog go read the other posts first... then come back to this for comic relief.

so...anyone who climbs regularly hits the crag and hears countless things being yelled repeatedly to inspire each other. GO!, You got it! Grab the PINCH!, i gotcha! Allez, Venga! ...GUMBA!(japanese?)

okay yeah youre annoying, but i can handle it to a degree. but there is this new archetype in my airspace. and i would describe them as annoying urban climbing, skate shoe wearin, upity mega-vegan dieting, tight jeans wearing, indie pop 80's revival music listening, anorexic BMI having, fakey dirt-bag lifestylin (we know you live with your parents and eat outa their frig.), so-ill worshipping (come 'on they arent that cool, plastic thumb? plastic teeth? giant tongue? we get jason kehl "youre wierd"), no history knowin ("john bachar died? who's that? did evolve sponsor him?), and one for pure hate sake.... douche bags. yeah i cant stand you guys. because the only reason you climb is cause your good today and that jerks off your ego. the climbing gym handed climbing to you but you have no actual sense of adventure beyond your "sick hard send" and no sense of the cultural history. i cant wait till you get an injury! seriously, i pee myself laughing every time one of you tells me you have a "tendon injury" cause you "over trained" something. alright, im getting off point but let me digress for just one last point:

when you talk $#!t about how strong you are, keep in mind that there are some of us at healthy body weights who dont want to hear it. sure you climb harder up there, your strength to weight is really good. but... on the ground i can kick the living $#!t out of you. no seriously, your 135lbs will fit nicely under my boot, ill hit a bi-otch. so run your mouth. i cant wait for you to annoy me enough so i can justify, to myself, cutting your rope in the middle ("oh, was that an 80m so you could do the link up in one pitch?") and then i stomp on your throat!

......WHEW! wow... i exorcised a few demons there! folks, i think were doing some good today.

What i really want to put a stop to though is this. your out at the wall and all i keep hearing lately is "GET PYSCHED!".... "COME ON! GET PYSCHED!" only they say it more like "get psyct". F*%K! it's annoying. i hear it at the walls, in different states, i heard it in the boulders in canada, bishop, the gyms. UGH! i cant handle these people anymore, youre dumb!


first off, lets start with simple evidence, if neil patrick harris will use a "saying" you know its bad americana. when was the last time he did anything that wasnt satirical?

Point number two, definitions. lets break down the roots of this annoying phrase.

the psyche: an ancient greek word meaning soul or mind. the seat of faculty and reason.

to pysch, pysching : to confused to cause derangement

pysched: emotionally excited

so we have the origin of the word, but that nothing like what your shouting at the wall right? its just where you got the spelling i guess. i doubt kids are asking their friend to: "Urban dictionary" version, which honestly seems like the opposite of what i want to do on a climb. "no stop your thinking, become confused!" yeah that's not right. finally i think we hit what your trying to say but... usually i try to focus, become clear with the moves. emotions can flip quickly and i want to control them. extreme emotions like "PSYCHED!" can become terror when you get run out or blow something. so shouldnt we tell our climbing partners to focus, ...use their head. but then again, most climbers today just dont know much in the first place.... so yeah, use that dumb emotional energy to gun for the top... its just about all ya got!


lastly i know i cant appeal to your sense of irony. or to your intelligence in this matter. but maybe i can appeal to your sense of cool? thats what its all about, right? well how about this guy...



is this dude really the "band wagon" you wanna hitch up to? yeah... i think that point is clear. yup two pictures movin on...

in closing, please quit climbing, please quit saying "THAT" ...or you could catch a rock in the head.



...see jesus will answer my prayers and smite your ass!

LL cool T

yeah-ya! takin the treadwall to the streets!

so im not sure what the message is but this picture made me laugh! this guy maybe representin which gang hes in. or he might be lettin ya know hes holdin ...or is it buying? then again he might be saying to the cops/po-po, that he aint on house arrest. he aint gots no anklet! but no big deal cops because he is thug enough that he can see why you would think he was. ...then again he might just be afraid his pant leg will get caught in the chain. but if that does happen dont worry hes got his harness on so he wont deck!

yeah, im a big jerk. sorry man im sure youre the worlds next great humanitarian and all but, come on! someone out there agrees with me. if you want you can email me and ill send you a picture of myself and you can publicly bash me for evensies! ...one last one, socks under the shoes!

After my hard days work.....sad

Oh GOD! WHY?!

it hurts so bad!

Why am i yours to toy with!!!

Lift with the legs.

I was gonna.... but now....

Ten thing i hate are not you!

1. The Endless Ladder ~ ill be honest when i first found this machine i thought it was ...AWESOME! nothing better than looking back in time to find some of the greatest bungles ever. well, grandpas climbing machine i dont know why you were invented... or who in their right mind would ever use you but, thanks for being number one on my list of machines that will never be as cool as the treadwall.



2. Jacobs Ladder ~ umm, is this the modern fat person wussy version of grandpa's endless ladder. ...loser, youre out!














3. The Exer-Climber ~ and various other names this climbing machine wannabe has gone by. pros it almost has the motion right. but it never develops any grip strength. lame!



4. the Freedom Climber ~ wow this one sucks, yeah i guess you work on grip strength and movement but... it bitty climbing surface and the wall TURNS? the holds rotate in your hand, that will mess up your skin. how this thing has survived on the market is a testament to people who love to jump on band wagons!




5. The Auto-Belayer ~ alright i got creative adding this to the list but honestly it fits the profile, a machine that allows the user to train for climbing. this thing would be awesome except for a few things. first you still need a climbing wall to be useful, boo. it's not made to really be adjust to your degree of fatness and has resulted in dangerously fast lowers. finally ...it's the only on on the list that has actually killed someone! that right! cable gets tired, snap, dead! hence, hate it.


6. The ROCK ~ getting closer but ...ugly noisy metal slats! oh and a price tag of around $12,000. that's way to expensive when you consider it will be about as fun as hearing someone kick the side of a metal building throughout you entire workout.


7. SkyWall ~ im pretty sure this was the product of reverse engineer and cheep knock-off-ery. yeah i said it. but seriously it's motorized which says to me there is now more to go wrong! plus it's only four feet wide. how do you develop any technique at all? ill be the first to admit that it would be nice to have more than a 6ft wide machine ...but 4ft, sorry man the girls dont lie size matters!














8. climbSTATION ~ this is the super fancy guy, so they say. but i got some beefs! first the conveyor belt rubber mat looking thing makes me wonder how i fix it when it breaks or wears out. yeah it's cool that it will change angle as you climb, but again that means more to break. plus it's motorized. now we have all seen those machines sitting gathering dust a gym because its broke, there's no one qualified to fix it, it would cost too much anyway, and now it also costs too much to throw AWAY!


but nice try.

9. Random/Generic machine ~ okay you look like a treadwall, you act like one, but honestly i dont trust you. i dont know where you come from or who built you. did they do a good job? are your welds sound? are your part made by a quality machinist (kelly...he's a dude, and the machinist of the vulgarian crew knows what im saying!), this thing is more like frankenstein than anything else. someone told me they had a treadwall once. when i showed up to give it a test drive i found something very similar! boo,you may look like it ...but no, i say good day sir!

10. the Hydraulic Scaler ~ okay...i like it! i like where your heads at... but

does this model do anything for your cardio or power endurance?